10 Things I Will Not Do In Vegas

1) I will not eat a $42 can of nuts not matter how hungry I get.

2) I will not go to watch elite midget wrestling.

3) I will not watch the lights on the slot machines.  They are flashing and pretty and bright and blue and yellow sometimes and oh, the pretty lights, they call to me, they call to me…

4) I will not throw any money into any fountains.  Hey, this place will hoover enough cash out of my pockets.

5) I will not drink before 5pm (and certainly not at 7am, (though here I totally could.)

6) I will not stare at the girls who walk around in bikinis and high heels, though I have to say, that’s an awesome thing to behold.  (Hey, I said I wouldn’t stare, I didn’t say I wouldn’t look.)

7) I will not wear my pants around my nipples no matter how old I get.  Nor will I wear my pants around my ankles so that everyone can see my underwear.  I come for the generation that thought pants should hang from the right part of the body.

8) I will not look around in restaurants to see if I’m the only one dining alone.  Usually I am and that’s just depressing.

9) I will not go on a romantic gondola ride

10)I will not leave until I finish my novel

0 Replies to “10 Things I Will Not Do In Vegas”

  1. Oh Joe, you slay me! Love you for what you aren’t. This concept of going to Vegas to get your rewrite done is too brilliant. Angel feather pillows aside, it’s a place I would typically be in such a hurry to vacate after a day that it would be a huge motivating factor to finish up smartly. Good luck & see you soon.

  2. You are so funny! I hope you’re writing fast! And don’t forget you have to come up with the premise for a ‘new novel’ by the first week of September…. (oh wait, I bet you keep those under your pillow).

  3. 10 things you’ll never do eh… hmm, there are a couple things that are conspicuously absent from your list 😉 Seriously though, it sounds like this trip has been very worthwhile.

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