Long ago (well, actually two years ago), if one of our boys got sick with something like the flu, we’d keep him home, give him some Advil, and bring him some chicken soup while I quoted Churchill until he got better.
But we still have to worry that those same symptoms could be Covid despite us all being double vaxxed.
Gosh, I hate this Covid thing. I hate it like a three-year-old hates to be told they have to go to bed.
But with the government taking a good 5 days or more to report an outbreak of Covid in the schools, when we have one child with flu-like symptoms, (fever, chills, coughing, and overall looking like a zombie extra from the Walking Dead) it’s quarantine time, baby, quarantine time.
However, first of all, mad shout out to the parents who have made their own app called Exposure Watch. How cool is that? It’s still nice to know when government fails us so completely, people step up to help out their community.
Now, for anyone who read my pandemic blog (here) from the start will know, we’re kind of used to a quarantine.
Since we were first caught off guard, we made a plan in case we had to go through this, again (and with the stupid Delta Variant, there was a good chance we would.)
Our plan was called – The Omega Protocol (originally called Joe’s Incredibly Detailed and Super Amazing Survival Plan Made By Joe, but that got voted down).
It was time to put that plan into action.
Step 1. We went online to book a Covid test. Within 15 minutes we had an appointment. We needed to know if he had Covid.
That’s super cool. Gone were the days the doctors said, “Hey, sorry, no tests available, just stay at home and, you know, don’t die too much.”
So, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World took her boy to the testing site about a half-hour later. He couldn’t do the swishy-mouth one due to a gag reflex but took the brain scrubbing one like a hero.
Then they told us it would take a day to know but if it was positive, we’d know as fast as they could do it. “And if it’s negative?”
Medical Professional, “That will take a lot longer but we will notify you.”
“Why not right away? I mean if you know it’s negative, seems like people would, you know, kinda like to know.”
“Don’t be difficult, sir. Quarantine until you know. Next, please.”
Ok. Right. Quarantine it is.
Step 2. We sent the boy to his room and banned his brother and I from even going near the room. Only one contact person was allowed in (aka his mom) and she would mask up anytime she entered the infected one’s room.
Step 3. We wiped down the entire house for the billionth time since March of 2020 and obsessively checked temperatures every couple of hours
Step 4. Fed the boy chicken noodle soup, stale crackers, Gatorade, Advil and supplements like Zinc, vitamin D, and vitamin C (latest medical information here.)
Step 5. The whole family took supplements. We waited it out.
It was the best we could do.
Until we knew, we’d all stay home, not go out, not pass go, not collect $200.
Being amazing, though, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World didn’t take the whole “we’re not going to contact you unless you have a positive result” thing lying down. She looked deeper into how she could find the results faster.
Seems it’s a very Catch-22 thing. If she wanted to find out a test result, she could use her new and exciting BC Services app which records pretty much every pill she’s ever taken. Or she could go to the online health info site (for us, that would be Lifelabs / MyCareCompass), and find out the results there.
For a teenager, (and I get the world hates teenagers, but still…) they don’t have access to that information because they are too young to get said information. Well, that’s all fair and fine, you’d think the mom would have access to that. But no. All their medical information is locked away in a secret vault for privacy protection.
Now, I’m all for privacy protection, but how’s that going to help us get information on a test? If the boy couldn’t get it and his mom couldn’t get it, could someone like, I dunno, the doctor?
Nope, they, too, only get notified quickly if it’s positive.
It took a while for The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World to find a way to access that information that didn’t, you know, violate the law or anything, but she did.
In the meantime, while we waited for the results, the infected one didn’t come out of his room (a dream come true, I think), watched all the seasons of The Office on Netflix, and studiously ignored the homework he’d been given like someone ignoring an odd-looking mole on their back.
When The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World finally dug out the results – No Covid – we let out another sigh of relief. That new Delta Variant is a bugger, but it looked like we’d dodged it.
The boy was allowed to stay home to get better (I mean, hey, we didn’t want him infecting his classmates with regular flu either), but things got back to normal pretty quickly.
That’s the good news. No Covid here. Nothing to see.
The bad news, after nearly two years, they’re still fumbling around with communication. You’d think they’d have it nailed by now, like stuntmen working on making that jump across a canyon full of lava, but no, they continue to crash – and burn in a very not-funny way.
I think I’m going to write a letter to someone. In my head. Yeah, that’ll do it.