Cruise Control

So, TomKat.  Getting divorced.  Color me surprised.   Who really thought this would last?

But that’s not the big issue.  Oh, no.  It’s far, far worse.  Tom Cruise will be playing Jack Reacher, the tough-guy’s tough-guy created by Lee Child.  Now, I love the Lee Child novels.  Jack Reacher is like a wrecking machine, an ex-MP who is one part terminator and one part Sherlock Holmes.

Now, did I mention he was a big fella?  Well, he is.  A monster.  A freak.  6’5″.   250lbs (though sometimes less).   50″ chest.  He can lift huge, 400lb thugs and toss them about.

So.  Not a small guy.  Not a 5’7″ dynamo.  A.  Big.  Man.

And yet, Tom Cruise will be playing him in the upcoming movie,  One Shot.  Tom.  Cruise.

Yup.

It’s not that Tom Cruise doesn’t make good movies.  By and large he does.  From “Show me the money” Jerry McGuire to “I feel the need, the need for speed,” Maverick to “I want the truth” Lt. Kaffey, he’s played some of the most iconic movie characters and made some of the best (or at least hugely successful) movies out there.  The Mission Impossible series, Vanilla Sky (which I and 4 others have seen), Days of Thunder, Risky Business, Rain Man, Cocktail, War of the Worlds… ah hell, just check out IMdB.

He is the uber leading man.  His movies are almost guaranteed to make money.

And yet, he is not Jack Reacher.

It’s nothing personal.  It’s physics.  Sure, he can play Les Grossman.   He can go bald.  He can wear a tubby tummy suit.  He can glue clumps of bear fur to his chest.  But… he cannot grow 10″.  He cannot weigh 250lbs.  He cannot puff out his chest to a massive 50″.

I joked with a friend  “Did Katie file divorce papers over him playing Jack Reacher?   Did she say, quote.  “Are you freaking kidding me, HIM playing Jack Reacher?  Ok, that’s it, I’m done, that’s the last straw, that’s just too much to bear.  What’s next, he plays Nelson Mandela?”

He can do action, no question about it.  He is tough. For sure.  He has a sense of what makes a movie great.  Without a doubt.  My issue is he cannot play Reacher.  It simply won’t be the character we’ve read in 17+ books.

Sorry, Mr. Cruise.