Joe Cummings

August 29, 2019August 29, 2019

50’s Prime Time Diner Disaster – Hollywood Studios – Vacation Day 4

Disney World Vacations 2019 theme parks Hollywood Studios 50's Primetime Diner

And the rains came to Hollywood Studios, Disney World

We still had a lot to see and do at Hollywood Studios (Slinky dog ride, watch the Star Wars show and maybe sneak into the 50’s Prime Time Diner, then see the Fantasorgasmic Show.)

None of us napped back at our Disney World resort, but we did get off our feet for a few hours, me writing, the boyz watching YouTubes, and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World doing laundry.

The whole laundry thing became absolutely necessary due to us going through at least 2 sets of clothes a day. I mean, who wants to put on a sweaty, suntan-lotionie shirt, again? Or slip into a used pair of underwear after a shower?

With our clothes restocked, our bodies mostly rested, we bussed our way back to Hollywood Studios, again. About 5. We’d planned to eat at the resort, but the bus was right there! Right there!

So we lept on it.

For once, we’d be early. We’d get a chance to see the Star Wars show, grab some food at Hollywood Studios, hit up our fast pass ride, The Slinky Dog, and see the evening show.

It was a good plan.

But we missed the 5:30 Star Wars show by 15min. 15 min. Again.

So we decided to ask if my #1 Disney-World-Bucket-list restaurant could squeeze us in. The 50’s Prime Time Diner – A place where they made sure you had good table manners and called you out for not eating your veggies.

To my surprise, they had room!

I was super excited.

50’s Prime Time Diner. We watch old TV on an old TV

We wandered around in living rooms with old TVs, old kitchens, and stood near a 50’s bar serving drinks with flashing ice cubes. Each room had all sorts of 50’s memorabilia that I basically remembered from my childhood (though that was in the 60s, lots of our furniture and stuff was definitely from the 50s.)

We were called to our table by a woman with a mom-voice, you know the type – she could yell dinner and you heard her 4 blocks away in an underground bunker with music playing. She sat us down, gave us menus and told the kids to behave.

The table had a TV, a cool old toaster and was, of course, all chromie. Our waiter was called Uncle Chris. He reminded us not to put our elbows on the table. I had a very hard time with this as my elbows are no longer well-trained.

I ordered mom’s pot roast. I mean, it was mom’s! The Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World ordered ribs, The-Youngest got a Caesar salad, and The-Oldest went with Cousin Megan’s Traditional Meatloaf.

I was so excited. So nostalgic. This was the height of white male dominance, a time when a house cost $8,400 and your salary was $3,200. A new corvette cost $1,500. A razor 25cents. Even though I hadn’t lived through the time, so much of what was on display was a part of my childhood.

We watched clips of I Love Lucy, of Reagan introducing Walt Disney, of the original Mouseketeers, and of Car 54 Where Are You? Just to name a few.

But then things started to go pear-shaped, in a way I hadn’t anticipated. Uncle Chris came by often to give the boys a hard time. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” “Sit up straight.” “No phones at the table.” That kind of thing. All in good fun. Really.

He called The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World ‘Peggy Sue’, The-Youngest, “Spanky”, and The-Oldest, “Trouble.” All in fun.

The-Youngest, however, didn’t really like Uncle Chris much. The guy may have pushed the whole 50’s thing too far, and The-Youngest no longer had fun. In fact, the opposite of fun.

It took a while to calm The-Youngest down, but eventually, he did, and he made sure to clean his plate (and keep his elbows off the table). The-Oldest however, did not eat his beans, so when Uncle Chris came around, he took the plate and shouted for the whole restaurant, “Do we waste food?” “NO!” they all shouted back. The-Oldest laughed along with it all. He even laughed when Uncle Chris brought back the beans covered in whipped cream “for dessert”.

The-Youngest didn’t have as much fun at the 50’s Prime Time Diner as I did. I got to scowl like a dad in a 50’s TV show.

He didn’t eat them, though.

For the rest of the entire meal, The-Youngest lived in fear of Uncle Chris coming by and yelling at him. He realized how easy-going we are in this modern age and he vowed never to go in time to the 50s. Ever. I don’t know if Uncle Chris crossed a line, but it made the experience less fun for sure.

Full, the dinner almost spoiled by a little too much ribbing, we looked outside.

That weather forecast of showers, lightning, and thunder was coming true.

Doh!

We had one ride to do, one show to see, and the Fantasmic Light Show.

August 28, 2019August 28, 2019

Embrace Your Inner Child – Hollywood Studios – Vacation Day 4

The best way to do Disney World is to abandon all pretense of being an adult.

No question about it, the best way to do Disney World is to embrace your inner child. A lot easier if you’re, you know, a child, but we all did it.

It took us until after the Rocking Rollercoaster to realize what kind of day we were going to have at Disney World. It was going to be a nerdy, goofy, silly day.

And that was awesome!

It really started with The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World LOVING the Muppet Show. It’s not an adult thing to be so excited by a show like that, but tapping into your inner kid, it’s totally fun. Seriously.

Then there was our quest to find a Kermit stuffy with a hole in his bum (where you stick your hand.)

Kinda goofy, sure, but it’s fun to embrace your inner child.

But when the boyz came out of the Rocking Rollercoaster looking like they’d seen war or grandpa’s naked butt, we decided to do something so goofy and silly, it would cement the day as a legendary goober day.

We had our faces photoshopped as Star Wars characters.

The-Youngest was the first to go forward and we laughed and laughed as his face replaced the emperor’s or Darth Vadar or Luke Skywalker. He even wanted to be Princess Leia, but The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World claimed that option.

Check us out as Star Wars characters!!! The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World at Padme, The-Youngest as a young, Anakin Skywalker, me as Obi Wan, and The-Oldest as Mace Windu. This is how you embrace your inner child!

See, at this moment, we really began to embrace the spirit of Disney World. Put aside being an adult and be a silly kid.

When it came time for The-Oldest, they photoshopped his face onto Mace Windu, changing his normally white skin to black. I laughed as he made evil faces for the evil characters, and weird, I-look-drunk faces for the good guys.

Then The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World went up and I have to say, rocked the whole Padme /Leia look. Like totally rocked it. I think I got a little excited in a very adult way.

And then I went up, and tried to look my most Jedi-ish. I ended up looking constipated but whatever. The family, watching me, laughed until they doubled over.

The picture we chose is here. See what I mean by a cool picture??? There’s a hot Padme, an amazing Mace Windu, a serious looking Obi and a slightly insane looking Anakin.

Totally nerdy fun! Best family photo EVER!

Embrace your inner child, right?

Giggling, we left, The-Youngest giving us a second by second recounting of the Rockin’ Rollercoaster. We tried to eat at the SciFi Restaurant, but by now, we were about 45 minutes behind schedule so we arrived at the peak lunch period. We settled for eating at the ABC commissary. Not good food, but filling.

Having embraced the day of silliness, we searched the app for a ride to do. Being out of sync with the day, we missed the Star Wars show, but I did manage to see Rey walk by and I’m pretty sure she smiled at me. Yes, just at me. Similarly, The-Youngest was pretty sure Darth Vadar pointed at him and called him to the Dark Side. Little did Vadar know, but The-Youngest had gone there long ago.

With lineups at the 120 min mark, the heat oppressive and no fast passes until 7:45, we returned to the bus. I offered to take The-Youngest to a Disney World waterpark, but after thinking about it for most of the morning, he declined. Even at 12, he knew he needed some rest.

In hindsight, that should have been a sign of things to come.

August 27, 2019August 27, 2019

Disney World – Hollywood Studios – Day 4

hollywood studios disney world orlando florida theme parks — Disney World’s Hollywood Studios.

Probably more than most places, Disney World can have some unpredictable moments. Day 4 would turn out to be filled with moments that we couldn’t have planned…

I mean, first of all, who could have planned a bus would go to the wrong theme park? We missed the rope drop which meant that our plan to do the Twilight Tower of Terror failed. See, the keeners (and those with good bus drivers) were at the gate at 9 am, racing to the ride and line up. By 9:15, a ride can go from a 0 min wait to a 120 min wait.

I’m not sure we could have made the Tower of Terror in time anyway, me being less likely to, you know, actually sprint to the ride, but certainly by 9:15, we were too late.

No worries, though, The-Youngest was kind of iffy on the whole falling elevator ride, so we marched to Star Tours where we had a 9:15 Fastpass.

Sadly, I marched us completely in the wrong direction.

Sigh.

It was one of those days.

When we arrived at Star Tours, we were 30 min behind schedule, but the way Fastpasses work meant we could arrive from 9:10 to 10:10, and still bypass the lines, so it wasn’t critical.

Hollywood Studios’ Star Tours remains one of my favourites and the only ride The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World had wanted booked. It’s really an earlier version of Avatar: Flight of Passage, just with less high-tech graphics and sphincter clenching moments.

But it didn’t disappoint. It’s a story ride where even waiting in line is fun or at least as fun as waiting in line can be. I have a neat video link here.

We dodged Imperial fighters, zipped through asteroid fields, and made it past Darth Vader without him killing us. Then, after spending a little too much time in the shop designing my very own lightsaber (and looking longingly at Star Wars T-shirts, we checked our Disney app to see what was available.

Right beside us, the Muppet Show had no line-up.

Uncharacteristically, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World became super excited about seeing the show, so off we went. As we sat down, I think she had her ‘being-a-kid’ moment, as she shifted expectantly in her seat. She was excited to be in the Muppet theater, to glimpse the old men in the balcony, and watch Kermit the frog try to keep order in the face of muppet chaos.

The 3D show was amazing, even though it was not a new show. Sure the seats are a little worn, but the show remains strong. We laughed, got misted with water, had bubbles fall on our heads and to The-Oldest’s horror, watched as the musical finale failed in a comically way that only the Muppets can fail.

Me, I had the horrible realization that I’ve become the old men in the balcony! Gosh!

By the time we left, it was time to race to our next Fastpass ride, the Rocking Rollercoaster. But first, we had tried to find a real Kermit in one of the shops, one with a hole in his bum where you could stick a hand. For some reason I never asked about, it was the dream of The-Oldest to have such a Kermit.

However, we failed to find one with a hand hole. Maybe it was considered too rude to stick your hand up his bum.

By the time we reached The Rocking Rollercoaster, we were already past the Fastpass start time. Luckily The-Youngest led us there because if I had led us, we may have ended up in Wisconsin or something.

Neither The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World or I had any desire to do this ride so we let the boyz get into line, and we scoped out the gift shop. By the time the boyz came out, their faces white, walking on unstable legs, looking like they’d either come close to death or had a lot of fun, we decided to fully embrace the Disney experience: We decided to do something super goofy.

August 25, 2019August 27, 2019

Hollywood Studios – Disney World – Vacation Day 4 Start

Yesterday at Disney World had been a huge success, so the plan was to repeat the strategy – Get out to Hollywood Studios for rope drop, race back to the resort when it got all hot and icky, then return to the park for more awesomeness.

I won’t lie. I was super excited to see Hollywood Studios. I mean, I’m a total movie buff/nerd and seeing Star Wars displays, Toy Story characters, Indie Jones…oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy!

Today’s Fastpasses – Star Tours at 9:10. The Rocking Rollercoaster at 10:30, then the surprisingly, super popular Slinky Dog Dash Rollercoaster at 7:45. Other attractions: Tower of Terror, Muppets 3D, Indiana Jones live show, the Barnstormer and whatever else we could get on in less than 30 min. A cool list is here.

If you recall, we had booked our Fastpass rides 60 days in advance, (and those times totally fit into our newly discovered plan.)

But if I had to do it all over again, or for anyone looking for advice, I’d book the Fastpasses for 11:00-1:00, that way we can hit up rides at rope drop when smarter people are sleeping, the weather isn’t as hot so you can stand in line and not feel like a slowly roasting chicken, and you can still get the BEST rides at a busy time.

However, the day began well enough even though we were about 15 min behind yesterday. Not a big deal, but being 15 min behind would haunt us for the entire day, like being out of step to the music (something I do so well.)

The boys ate healthy food for breakfast, which should have been sign of how weird the day would get, then we marched towards the buses.

The weather, again, was perfect, though the forecast called for, yes again, thundershowers. Seems like that was just a default setting for the weathermen, like rain is for Vancouver. They all go on vacation and simply post ‘chance of lightning and thundershowers.’

We got on the bus quickly, a good sign.

We got a seat. This was a great sign.

I didn’t have to get up my seat to a mom with a little baby, an old woman with a wonky eye or a little girl who with tearful eyes just wanted to sit by her mom. A great sign.

This was a day where nothing would go wrong. Everything was going sooo well…

Then the bus went to the wrong park.

It’s kinda what happens when too much starts going your way.

At first, (in my partially caffeinated state), shoot, we’d gotten on the wrong bus.

disney world hollywood studios buses transportation epcot florida orlando — The buses pick up passengers to take them to the theme parks, but not always, it seems, the RIGHT theme park.

But The-Youngest (and by FAR the smartest in the morning), said, no we were in the right line. Then the bus driver came on the intercom. She apologized. She had gone to the wrong park. Epcot. She would get us back to Hollywood as soon as possible.

That left us 15 min behind schedule to hit the park at rope drop.

It was how the whole day would play out.

August 25, 2019August 25, 2019

Staying Together in Disney World

Holding The-Youngest in place at Legoland, 2014 as he pulls a face for the camera.
Gosh, they were young. As was I.

Staying together in Disney World is hard, and to be frank, it’s not always the kid’s fault.

This is something I found in Legoland. With 3 other people, it is not three times harder, but exponentially 3 times harder. Maybe 300 times harder.

So let’s look at the challenges we face.

First. Me:

If I can cite a Disney movie, I’m very much like Dug the Dog from Up who suddenly stops when he sees a squirrel. Mostly it’s about seeing a great picture opportunity, but sometimes, I just kinda wander off like a lost puppy.

It’s because of my Joe 1.0 life. I was used to traveling with only one other person. Easy to stay together. Easy to shout, “oooh, I want to get a picture of the Disney Castle with the marching band in front and an old lamppost on the right and the sun behind me,” then head off and take that picture.

What I really need to do is to keep an eye on everyone else, but instead, it becomes a game – Who’s the last to see Joe has to figure out where he wandered off to! But on the plus side, I don’t move that fast.

Second challenge:

The-Youngest wants to race to the next thing to do, or worse, like me, he’ll see a squirrel and head towards it without warning. Or warning that we can understand.

He’s more Dug the dog than me simply by the speed which he runs off. One second he’s by your side, the next he’s walking along the top of a 400’ wall. With barbed wire. In the rain.

Third challenge:

The-Oldest seems to want to lag behind, mostly because he’s a teenager and vaguely embarrassed to be seen with us.

I mean, who can blame him. I have sunscreen slathered on so thick that I look like I’ve been coated in lard in preparation for deep frying. Worse, I wear super comfortable shorts that make me look like a Bavarian Slapdancer.

Last challenge:

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World, well, she had no real faults here, as she simply tries to keep everyone close, worried they’d be stolen by stormtroopers in Hollywood Studios or eaten by bears at Whistler.

So, how did we go about staying together in Disney World with those 3 challenges?

Yelling helps, but it has to be a good, loud shout. Not, “joe, ah could you please come back here,” But “JOE!!!” Like you would shout at a dog before it pees on the neighbour’s leg.

See, shouting breaks the subject’s focus. Instead of thinking about the next ride or where best someone can take an amazing picture of Ironman hugging a 2-year-old, the person stops to look back at whoever is shouting at them.

It’s a good tactic.

A mom-voice helps here, the kind of voice you can hear from 12 blocks away while you’re riding shopping carts a down steep hill with your brother. The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World, despite her size and otherwise gentle demeanour, can summon that voice, a voice like someone dispelling a demon.

Me? I’ve worked on my dad-voice, trying to avoid sounding like the teacher in Ferris Bueler, “Bueler… Beuler,” and more like Gerald Butler’s King Leonidas in 300 (THIS IS SPARTA!) Sadly, I think I end up sounding like Gilbert Gottfried, but whatever, it gets the job done.

Next – Physical restraint works.

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World had two moves.

One, she calls, ‘Holding Hands,’ but let’s be honest, it’s restraint, (restraint with love, maybe, but with her kung-fu grip, none of us are escaping.)

At some point, this may no longer work on The-Youngest when he’s, like, 30 and has been working out for 10 years, he may too strong for his mom. But until then, it works, even on The-Oldest who would rather be seen pant-less than holding hands with his mom.

The second move is ‘The Grab’. Sometimes you have to actually grab someone to stop them from racing into a crowd to be swept away by the sweaty river of humanity. Basically, you grab wherever you can grab, the shirt, the arm, the backpack…

I am good at this one, even at my old age.

The last, but perhaps least effective, is ‘Talking About Staying Together.” A lot.

You’d think this would work with me and The-Oldest, but being Dug the Dog means words are useless on me sometimes, and The-Oldest lives inside his head so much that he could wander off a cliff and not even realize he’s hurtling to his death until he hears a loud ‘splat’ sound.

Can you spot The-Youngest? In crowds, it so easy to get separated. Bright colors, helmets with flashing lights and a 10′ flag sticking out of a backpack helps, but it was a challenge to stay together at Disney World

However, ‘Talking About Staying Together’ is like an ice sculpture. For a short time, it’s cool, but then melts and you have to clean up the mess.

So, are we successful at staying together?

Like any family, not always, but we haven’t lost anyone, yet.

Yet.

August 23, 2019August 23, 2019

River of Lights – Animal Kingdom – Disney World Vacation Day 3

Tonight, the River of Lights.

The Tree of Life in Disney World’s Animal Kingdom. We had THE BEST day at this park.

I have to say, Disney World does so many things right.

First, they kept the weather amazing. I don’t know what Mickey Magic they cast, or what Avatar weather machine they activated, but the evening at Animal Kingdom was perfect. Pink skies. Long, fading clouds. A little hot, but manageable.

Second, they do the details sooooo right. There’s a whole rant about that later, but they create little worlds better than anyone, even most movie makers, though, yah, I guess, technically, they are movie makers as well.

Thirdly, they do shows well, perhaps better than anything in Vegas. Oh, sure Disney World has far less nudity than Vegas, and they’ve geared up their shows for younger audiences, or people who are secret 8-year-olds like me, but they are always entertaining and, often, spectacular.

River of Lights promised to be no exception.

But first we HAD to see the Kilimanjaro Safari in the evening. When talking to someone in the candy shop, he said it was a completely different experience at night. He also offered me a lot of candy to get into his van, so I’m a little suspicious of him, but his safari info mirrored what I’d see on YouTube.

So off we went. At this time of night, about 7:00, there were no line-ups. No line-ups! We got right on.

Oh, how I love no line-ups.

Kilimanjaro Safari – as the light faded, many of the animals came out to say hi. Even The-Oldest found the tour ‘ok’ which is teen-speak for amazing!

And the van-guy was right. A lot more animals had come out to wander around or stare menacingly at us.

See the Instagram pics here.

I saw giraffes glide across the plains, rhinos lumber around like they’d had a hard day standing in line-ups at Disney World, and the hyenas stalk around in a dangerous-looking pack.

But the highlight was the lions.

They roared at us!

Vid here.

Even the tour guide was excited.

The lions roared like majestic thunder, which was thrilling but also oddly unsettling (mostly because I think they were saying, back in my day, we’d eat your face off.) One moron roared back, but even that didn’t spoil that moment.

I’d heard real lions roar!

Super stoked, we finished the ride & soon reached the seats for the River of Lights show.

Mount Everest overlooks Animal Kingdom’s River of Lights – a fantastic show and a perfect end to our day.

Ok, it was crowded and we had to shuffle next to our sweaty neighbours (or to quote Rorschach from Watchman, I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with ME!)

Ok, we didn’t have the best view.

Ok, despite the sun going down, it was so hot that I began to sweat out of my eyeballs.

But none of that mattered when the show started.

Giant lotuses floated across the lake and spouted all sorts of colored water. Animated creatures danced on the water spray. Big turtles and other animals crawled across the water changing color, and all the while music blared, happy and all Lion-Kingee.

What made it even better were two girls who sat behind us. They knew every character who appeared in the water spray, would sing along with the songs with unrestrained glee, and even threated to cry at least twice because of how the show moved them.

I have to confess, when I’m watching a show like this or riding something like Avatar, the Flight of Passage, all cynicism melts from me in a sweaty puddle at my feet. All sarcasm dissipates like mist. I become a goofy kid, again, giddy and bouncy and delighted.

If only I could be that way all the time.

Either way, the boys had fun, though not as much fun as me, and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World, being a girl, loved the message of love, the light displays, and music.

Afterward, we made our way with the crowd to stand in line for our bus. Even that line didn’t matter. We were on a Disney World high. Even being stuffed into the first available bus like potatoes about to be mashed, we were on a Disney World high.

It had been a great day.

And tomorrow, we were sure, would be even better!

The video of the River of Lights, below, is far, far better than my own, but being there, in person, is far, far more magical.