Joe Cummings

August 17, 2019August 17, 2019

Disney World’s Animal Kingdom -Vacation Day 3 – Troubles

Early in the morning, the Boyz getting ready to ride the Expedition Everest Rollercoaster. Already The-Youngest is having a hard time keeping his eyes open

I had thought that our first day at the Magic Kingdom would be our toughest. We’d be jet-lagged, we hadn’t figured out how things worked, and we had no idea how the weather would affect us.

But I was wrong. It would be the day we spent at Disney World’s Animal Kingdom.

A day that almost became a disaster.

We actually managed to arrive at Disney World’s Animal Kingdom in time for the ‘rope drop’ (opening time) and made our way to our first ride. We had 3 booked for today. Expedition Everest at 9:10. Kilimanjaro Safari at 10:20. Avatar: Flight of Passage at 5:00.

So, first up, the Expedition Everest rollercoaster which had terrified me when I’d gone on it in my Joe 1.0 life. Now, older, a lot wiser, a lot less comfortable with plummeting 10,000 feet, I had zero desire to risk a heart attack, complete paralyzation or listening to myself scream like a little girl. So, The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World and I stayed behind.

The Boyz, however, were super keen to test it out.

They soon found out that this ride was not for the faint of heart. The-Oldest had to shut his eyes as it tore downwards like a rocket plunging to earth, and while The-Youngest said he had fun, he declined to go on it, again. Ever. Like never, again. That Yeti had really terrified him.

Still… First ride: A success, I say, a success!

However, by 9:30, it was already getting hot and humid, and morale began to plunge like the stock market during a trade-war with China. Yesterday’s crazy day of theme-parking and a night of little sleep had left us all weary.

Hoping to shift the mood, I talked the boys into doing the Kali Rapids (since it would get them wet and cool), while we adults chose a nice, dry bench in the shade.

The rapids weren’t that great, according to The-Youngest, but they did get SOAKED with a capital WET.

But by the time we reached the Kilimanjaro Safari ride, grumpiness was settling in like a spaghetti stain on a good dress shirt.

There’ll be lions, I said. Giraffes. Elephants. Hippies. Unicorns.

But the best I got was a shrug and a look that said I’d rather be sleeping (The-Youngest) or playing the piano (The-Oldest).

The safari wasn’t quite like the San Diego Safari, this was a large zoo, somewhat like the Calgary Zoo, but with only the most popular animals on display, (yes, I’m sure there was a survey done and those poor, ugly warthogs were left out.)

Lots of pictures here!

No matter. I loved seeing the animals, I won’t lie. The giraffes were magnificently elegant. The lions were sleepy but cute. The rhinos were content that no one was trying to murder them for their horns.

Crocodiles lurked menacingly in the water. The boy elephants play-fought each other for fun. And the hippos submerged themselves waiting for a moment when you thought they looked cute and wanted to pet them, then they’d bite your freaking arm off. Those buggers kill more people in Africa than any other animal due to them being complete assholes.

Vids here.

As well, the tour guide was lovely, if very scripted, but the real bonus was that we could do this ride sitting down.

Tired and hot, by 11, the boys were done, so it was time to implement the NEW PLAN

Sadly, though, the animals didn’t raise the spirits of the Boyz so we went in search of food. Food usually perks them up. A bit.

I found the Dole Pineapple Whip counter which made my day since it was on my Disney Bucket List. I had mine without rum. Maybe a mistake. It was still very yummy, even if it melted all over my hands and I became that sticky, chubby kid everyone hates.

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World had a dole float, which was far less messy and (surprisingly) she also had hers without alcohol. The boys, being now thoroughly in a bad mood, refused any food. They grumped at each other, at the weather, and at the food. Everything became either boring or stupid.

Oh oh.

Time to put our brilliant new plan into effect. Time to head home. Time to rest in a nice AC room. Or float in a pool. Then head back to do Avatar, maybe get some food, or maybe even see the River of Light show.

But when we got back, we found something even more fun! The arcade was open and it was free!!! (we had no idea why but weren’t going to look a gift-arcade in the coin-slot), so the Boyz played Guitar Band, raced motorcycles and zapped aliens, forgetting how grumpy they’d been.

While the boyz played, I caught up on my writing at the Pop Century cafeteria, and the Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World got to spend some boy-less time alone, meditating and thinking girl thoughts.

For the moment, everyone was happy.

But would it stay that way? Would the rest of our trip to Disney World’s Animal Kingdom be doomed?

The-Oldest and The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World battle it out on an old-school game. Space Invaders. The day was saved. We were back at the resort, cool, and having goofy, good fun

As always, thanks for reading about our adventures! Please like or follow for updates.

August 16, 2019August 17, 2019

Disney World’s Animal Kingdom – Vacation Day 3

This is the early morning crowd, all rushing off to get in line for the most popular ride. Due to early entry, by the time this crowd arrived, the wait on Avatar: Flight of Passage was 2 hours! We went for Expedition Everest.

Forecast for Disney World’s Animal Kingdom? Lightning and Thunder possibilities around 2. Chance of sore feet? 100%. Chance of barely bearable humidity? 1000% Chance our new plan would work? I gave it 100%.

We hoped that the whole ‘chance of thunderstorms and lightning’ would not happen. Like yesterday. While that kind of storm was fun when we arrived, the thought of us standing in a line while a billion tons of water fell on us was about as appealing as taking a shower in our clothes. For 90 min. While other people watched.

None of us slept well, so getting up on time was a small, but delightful miracle. I went through my new morning routine of getting up: I banged my leg on the protruding sides of the bed about a hundred times as I gathered supplies for the day, dressed, shaved, gelled my hair so I’d look cool, packed extra waters, and stuffed our rainproof gear into our backpacks.

I had a feeling that if we carried around the rain gear, it wouldn’t rain, like primitives who crossed their fingers for good luck.

As I said in the last post, our plan for Disney World’s Animal Kingdom was a little different than yesterday’s plan for Magic Kingdom. We had Fastpasses for the Expedition Everest rollercoaster at 9:10, the Kilimanjaro Safari for 10:20, and finally the #1 ride in the park, Avatar’s Flight of Passage at 5:00.

Now, at Disney World’s Animal Kingdom, there were also walks to go on, gorillas to see or other safari walks to take, but we’d learned from yesterday that by noon, the crowds were bad, and being in the sweltering heat for 90 min drained all the fun from us.

Plus, we knew from looking at the wait times, that the most popular rides like Avatar’s Flight of Passage, The Expedition Everest or The Kilimanjaro Safari could only be done on Fastpass.

So we came up with our new plan.

What if, I mean, seriously, what if we just went back to the hotel around 11, and rested up? The boys could be in the pool, I could catch up on writing or take a nap, while The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World could rest her feet, have a cleansing shower or maybe hop into the pool with the boys.

Then we could head back in the late afternoon. Yes.

The Tree of Life. Seeing it lit up at night was on my Disney Bucket list. This is the early morning crowd continuing to march toward their own goals.

On MY bucket list. 2 things. See the tree of life light up in the evening and taste a dole pineapple ice whip.

On The-Youngest’s? He HAD to ride the rollercoaster, Expedition Everest… And survive that Yeti. He wasn’t terrified of a roller coaster dropping 100’, like I was, no, he was worried the Yeti would give him nightmares.

The-Oldest? he wanted to ride the Expedition Everest without closing his eyes. I don’t know if that meant no closing them for the entire 8 min ride or not closing them when they plummeted downward at 1000 mph.

The-Prettiest-Girl-in-the-World just wanted to see the animals, eat some Yeti ribs, and have a more relaxing day. Oh, and not murder us.

So, fingers crossed, we slicked on sunscreen and boarded the bus. Outside, the weather was HOT, the skies blue, but inside, the bus was wonderfully air-conditioned.

We had hopes of another successful day, but fate had some twists for us.

May 1, 2014

Traveling With Kids – San Diego – Supper Surprises

Breaking Bread

Ok, so the boys love Denny’s.

It’s safe comfort food.

Plus, they get to choose stuff. They love to choose stuff.

The funny thing is, though, they always choose the same thing with some very minor variations. Hamburger and fries. Chicken strips and fries. For the youngest, pizza, please. With fries.

God help them if they’re faced with Mexican food or Thai food or fruit.

Yet, this trip they’ve been brave enough to get out of their comfort zone a bit. Faced with no pizza or hamburger choices, they tried fish sticks, Mexican style. One ate a hamburger WITH cheese on it. The other ate fries WITHOUT ketchup. Both tried hash browns. One spit back a spoonful of applesauce like it was steaming poo, but hey, he did try it. The same one ate a corn dog until he found out it was not covered in cheese then suddenly found it uneatable.

But that’s all new stuff for them, and I have to say, it’s always entertaining for me. Like me trying tripe for the first time. (I think I spit it back, too.)

Being me, I want to talk over supper. But I’ve yet to get them talking much.

Not Denny's. We were discussing Terraria at this point. — Not Denny’s. We were discussing Terraria at this point.

I come at them again and again. Today I asked about the zoo. What animals did they like? Hate? Did you like the bus ride? Did you see when I caught on fire and ran around naked screaming?

I usually get a shrug or a single word answer.

We did get to talk a bit about the elephants, again. That was cool. We talked about if they were abused at the zoo or not, if the enclosure was big enough, if they were well treated. I was in the minority thinking that they were, but it was a good discussion.

However, every so often, just to make sure I’m not ever understanding what’s going on, something like this pops up out of nowhere.

The oldest looks up from his glass of milk after a very brief discussion on his turn as navigator. “Mommy, is all of this training for being an adult?”

It’s a laser-like observation. I sit bolt up.

“Yes, it is,” she replies.

He nods. Gets a very serious look on his face.

Then returns to his milk.

I try to expand on the subject, but he’s moved on and I come to realize that I’m pretty much talking to myself.

I go back to my fries. But despite what I may think sometimes, they’re watching, learning, observing and, I hope growing (and not just taller.)

So neither the Prettiest-girl-in-the-world nor I are deterred. We’ll continue to get the boys to try new foods, have new adventures, venture their opinions and maybe, just maybe, talk about their feelings one day.

It’s all training for being an adult.

And not just for them. For me as well.

April 28, 2014April 7, 2018

Traveling With Kids – San Diego Zoo – Animal Magnetism

Animal Magnetism

When in the zoo, see the animals. Here they are.

The elephants I like. The Prettiest-girl-in-the-world is worried that one is just swaying side to side. She says that’s a bad sign.

I think the elephants are ok. I say they have each other. They are super social.

She says, yeah, but what if they hate the other elephants? Like one’s from Surrey or something and the rest are from Kerrisdale?

Good point.

We watch an elephant getting hosed down. She seems to be loving it. She must be from Surrey. Apparently not all elephants love it, though. They keepers do their nails sometimes. Like a spa. I think the Kerrisale elephants like that. But not today. No one’s getting their nails done.

The boys find a huge elephant statue. When they stood underneath it, the Prettiest-girl-in-the-world and I get the giggles.

This is a nicer picture. The first one we took made them look like they were getting a semen sample.

However, the boys love to touch things, to climb on things, and this zoo understands that. No, no, they don’t let children play with the lions (much to the youngest’s disappointment) or throw poo back at the monkeys (again, much to the disappointment of the youngest), but they have animal statues or mock construction equipment to climb on, so we let them burn off excess energy by hopping on everything.

And hey, while they climb, we sit down. Win-win! We encourage them to climb for as long as they want. Sadly, they get bored and we have to walk again.

The oldest says horses in real life are bigger than in minecraft. I think that’s a good observation.

We a see a camel.

No one cares.

We spot meerkats hiding in tunnels they dug. They are cute. One looks like me on a sunny day, lying down with his belly up. The oldest admires how many holes they have dug. He is, afterall, a minecraft guy. Diggy-diggy holes. It’s an important skill.

We walk right by the big lions and don’t even see them. I still have no idea how we did this. However, we later discover they were, surprise, surprise, sleeping (and I think hiding from us.)

As we go into the reptile and big-ass bug area, the youngest decides it’s a good idea to bang on the glass to get the attention of a scorpion.

Outside the reptile area, the oldest talks to a cage full of birds. He has a love/hate relationship with birds. As long as they are caged, though, he’s happy to have a chat with them. When they’re flying at his eyes, not so much.

We all think capparbarras are cute.

I ask the oldest what he thinks a dung beetle eats.

He looks at me like, well, by now you should know.

We find a cage full of monkeys. The youngest declares he wants a monkey. He thinks if he was a monkey, he’d be the one leaping from branch to branch. I think he’d be the one throwing poo. The oldest thinks he’d be the monkey sitting and thinking about things. They both think that their mom would be the monkey licking her face. I laugh. Out loud. The Prettiest-girl-in-the-world scowls at all of us.

We watch a honey badger play with his toys. We have to drag the youngest away. I dunno if he likes the badger or wants to play with the toys.

We shake our heads as a three morons make whistling noises at the animals right by a sign that says, hey moron, please do not make loud noises, these animals are sensitive to noises. I don’t want to stereotype, but fat, red faced and white. The mom comes by and yells at the top of her voice. Be quiet! The animals hate loud noises!

Does she get the irony?

We see the cutest ugly things in the world. Wart hogs. We see a little one. But he’s photo-shy. Maybe if we yelled at the top of our lungs we could have made him stop running around.

We stop for food. Not surprisingly, the Asian restaurant has chicken strips. We are thankful. Surprisingly, the chicken teriyaki is pretty good. The Prettiest-girl-in-the world says the ginger chicken wrap is as well.

The oldest braves the PUBLIC bathroom by himself. This is a big deal.

I wash out the plastic souvenir cups. We now have a very fine collection of them. We will definitely need another bag when we go home.

With tummies full and feet a bit sore, we go in search of a bus to take us around the rest of the park.

I won’t say it was only because we all were feet-sore. but there was no way in hell we were going to walk more, so, yeah, we took the tour bus.

More to come.

April 12, 2014

Traveling With Kids – San Diego Safari Park – Mini Adventures

10 Mini adventures at the Safari Zoo

1) After we saw the gorillas, we measured ourselves up against the gorilla. The oldest, “You’re nearly as big as the gorilla, Joe.” Ah, thanks. A lot. Then we did the gorilla pose outside of their area. (I used the picture yesterday). It’s fun to do interactive stuff, even if we make it up ourselves.

2) We ate looking out at the bird lagoon. The youngest continued his photobombing of everyone while the oldest was sure he was being stalked by a red-eyed bird. (The youngest even photobombed the bird shot). We ate, hot dogs, as promised and though it’s not exactly news worthy, I could actually bite one (something I couldn’t do for nearly 2 months due to stupid-ass braces.) Oddly enough, that bird, or one of his cousins, seemed to appear everywhere we went. Hmmm. Maybe the boys shouldn’t have shouted at the ducks. Apparently there is a bird mafia.

3) Let’s remember how important bathrooms are. Not that I want to talk about what goes on it in there or the adventures we had, (though they youngest is obsessed with wanting to put his face in the air dryer), but it’s vital to not be far away from one at all times. For some reason I don’t yet understand, at 1:10, they don’t need to go to the bathroom, even when asked. At 1:12, they need to go NOW!!!! So we’ve developed a routine, like eating little bits throughout the day, go bathroom throughout the day.

4) Elephants rock. They’re the Morgan Freemans of the animal world, stately, majestic and likely to kick anyone’s ass who messes with them. Despite the fact it poured with rain for about 5 minutes, we loved watching them lumber around their enclosure. One little elephant played with a barrel while mom watched and occasionally showed him how to roll it. Plus, afterwards, the best picture of me EVER was taken. I almost look good (and yes, I am that vain.)

5) Lions do not rock. They should. They are the most beautiful of creatures, but for the entire time we were they, they snoozed. This is what they do. For ¾ of the day. It would be like someone watching me for a whole day. The boys were massively disappointed though I think if they had to see a lion take down a gazelle and tear it bloody limb from bloody limb, they might have different ideas. As it was, not matter how much the youngest yelled at them to do something, or the oldest muttered how bored he was, the lions refused to perform.

6) We had a race up the stairs to the top of the observation tower. The oldest and I bet we could beat the youngest and the Prettiest-girl-in-the-world who took the elevator. I nearly had a heart attack. I beat the oldest but he claims, (and is somewhat justified) that I said it was a race when I was already half up the tower and he was at the bottom. Luckily CPR was not needed though I won’t be doing that again any time soon.

7) We took the free tour through the African savanna. I could watch giraffes running forever. They are so graceful. Again, seeing these creatures live, in their own habitat, doing their own thing (mostly munching on leaves or trying to find a way to eat bark from a tree protected by extensive fencing wire), allows us to connect to them on a whole different level. We care about them more. How could we not?

8) The boys loved the rhinos which, I have to say, kinda look like me on a Sunday morning, all grey and grumpy and looking to bang a head into something. The rhinos didn’t do much. Much to my disappointment, they didn’t charge the tour or stand on two legs or sit at a computer writing out a novel, but, again, they were magnificent creatures to see.

9) Lemurs are stinky. Skunk stinky. We walked into their enclosure and it smelled bad. Apparently, like skunks, they spray nasty-ass stuff on people they don’t like or who bother them. We kept the youngest far, far away from them. But they kept an eye on him, let me tell you. Sure htye looked like they were sleeping, but they’d heard from the birds, this little guy was trouble.

10) We saw the most amazing thing. To calm cheetahs, the animal, not the yummy, orange snack, they’ve introduced dogs to them. DOGS!!!! Big, hairy, very calm dogs. Apparently, the two species bond. Dogs are great at bonding with a variety of animals, small cats, turtles, horses, sheep, Dennis Leary, but big-ass cats? Who would have guessed?

So, despite the fact we couldn’t do the Asian savanna tour, we had an incredible time. I didn’t have a meltdown, the boys had some amazing experiences seeing the animals and we only got partially wet. Nothing was rushed in the end. We found an Applebee’s to eat at, and while the youngest had a small meltdown over something we never did figure out, the day was a success in my books.

We even got to bed at a reasonable time. We watched Ender’s Game, learned a thing or two about war, and then went to sleep.

Tomorrow, though, we HAD to make it to the Safari Park by 10:40. We’d booked that tour and despite having the Prettiest-girl-in-the-world with us, (she was not against using her powers of pretty to get people to make exceptions to the rules), we were told it would leave on time with or without us.

How hard would it be to make that appointment?

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Wow that took 4 hours to post. The site kept crashing. Anyone had problems like that?

It does take a bit of time to write and load pictures for a blog, but usually only an hour or two depending on how distracted I get looking up pictures of Scarlett Johansson in a bikini for my blog.

So, hey, if you like photobombs or would like to see more pictures of Scarlett J. Lemme know. And please share the blog. Peace out (yes, I just said that!)