Things No One Will Tell You About Vegas

1) There are not a lot of places to sit down.  Outside. Inside.  Almost nothing.  There should be. Especially outside.  But, I suspect, this is done for a reason.  If you want to sit, why not sit in a restaurant and order a $20 burger?  Or, look, comfy seats right by the shiny slot machines going beep-meep-bleep.

2) There are a lot of hefty people here. I mean seriously hefty.  Oh sure, there are super GORGEOUS people here too, but make no mistake, this nation has a bit of a problem.  Now don’t get me wrong, I like it.  Makes me look svelt but this is the land of 3000 calorie breakfast buffets.  Mmmm.  Breakfast buffet.

3) Recycling isn’t really an issue here, at least in the casinos.  I have to say, this surprised me.  With the global eco-green movement so strong, I’m surprised they haven’t mounted a massive campaign led by dolphins and Mat Daimon.  No places to recycle cans or paper (and honesty, the food waste here could feed a 3^rd world nation like Scotland.)

4) You need money to have fun here.  The more money you have, the more fun.  It’s not a place for the poor.  Sure there are things to do for free (they haven’t figured out a way to charge you for walking around or for breathing the air but everything else has a pretty painful pricetag.  Out of town, off the strip, it’s regular mainstream America, though.  Cheap motels, greasy spoons, outlet malls, walmarts and walgreens. Only thing… you need to rent a car to get there.

5) Weekends have a much higher douchebag factor.  At least long weekends do.  I spent 5 days in an upscale hotel, living in peace and quiet.  Then, last night, Friday night, the yahoos and screamers came out in force.  At 2am.  4am.  Personally, I think they should install bark sprayers in the ceiling to go off if anyone starts making too much noise past 1am.

6) This is not a place for a one person vacation.  I’m beginning to think there is no such place but this one’s filled with groups of friends having a good time, couples holding hands and looking at shops together, families by the pools having splashy fun and, frankly, I’ve yet to see a person eating alone at a nice restaurant.  So, bring your family, your kids, your friends, your girlfriends, your mistresses, your traveling buddies, it’s a great place to be with a drink in your hand and people at your side.

7) It’s easy to get lost here.  Ok, sure, I get lot going from the taxi to the hotel entrance but seriously, they design these places to wind and weave and confuse.  A map does help but even then, with multiple floors, some stairways/escalators blocked off, getting from A to B can be a challenge sometimes.  All roads seem to lead back to the casino.  Coincidence?

8) This is one of the few places in the world where you can wander around drunk all the time.  Sort of like Moscow.  In fact, I think they encourage it, here.  Watch the number of people stumbling about with drinks in their hands, (and not a dainty shot glass, either, no, a big ass 32oz pink monstrosities.)  Watch how many drinks get served (for FREEEEEE!) at the gambling tables.  Look at the menus that have the first 2 pages devoted to drinks.  Look at how well stocked the mini bar is.  Staying sober here takes real work.

9) None of the major hotels have windows that open.  Is this for a reason?  Sure.  You bet.  After gambling away your car, your house, your future, does that long, long way down suddenly look like a good way to go?  Again, nothing is done here by accident.

10)        That strip is longer than it looks.  Especially in the heat.  It could be a mirage thing.  I’m honestly not sure that it’s done on purpose, but from the Circus in the north to the Luxor in the south, if you want to walk it in the day time, bring good shoes, a good pair of sunglasses, a hat, some water and a good attitude.  If you want to walk it at night, leave the hat and sunglasses.  Either way, bring a camera.  It’s a neat walk.