How I wake up in My New Life
In my old life, I used to wake up like this…
I’d roll over, look at the clock. It could be 7 or 8. I’d think to myself, self, should I just shut my eyes and go back to sleep or is the day full of so much awesomeness that I have to leap out of bed? Most days, you can guess which choice I made. I’d lie lazily in bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes in that state that is not quite awake. Sometimes I’d read. Or listen to the news. Or check on facebook. Or see if they’d invented the flying car yet.
By 10, usually, I’d be up. No rush. Just another day in the life of justjoe.
Now, it’s somewhat different.
The youngest pads over to the bed at 7am. “Mommy. My leg doesn’t hurt anymore.”
It’s very important news for the youngest to deliver. At 7am. Had he waited until, say 8, he might have forgotten to tell us.
My eyes creak open. The Prettiest-girl-in-the-world rolls over. Mumbles something. I do not think she uses a single swear word. I think she says, “Johnny, is that you?”
The youngest pokes his mom. “My leg doesn’t hurt anymore.” Cuz like, clearly, we didn’t hear him the first time.
So, 7am. We’re up. Somehow, some way, the youngest managed to get a burn on his knee. A good burn. But from what? What could be hot enough that we saw yesterday that would give him a burn? (spoiler, we figured out that it was the carpet in the Ripley’s display that he hid in and giggled.) But it was good news that it didn’t hurt.
Outside, it’s exactly the opposite of what was predicted. It’s sunny. Who knows how long that’ll last but we’re off to Seaworld. We need to take advantage of the good weather. My guess is Seaworld has water and if I’m going to get wet, I want it to be warm outside. I’m starting to have nightmares about shivering in the cold while teenagers drench me in water.
But there’s a lot of challenges today. I’m behind on my writing. Way behind. I need to crave out time somehow. The Prettiest-girl-in-the-world has caught a cold. Her nose is red. The youngest wants to do water rides. Lots and lots of water rides. He actually has no idea of what rides Seaworld has, but he’s pretty sure there will be splashie ones. The oldest is wishing meglodon was at Seaworld. He wants to see people eaten, I think.
Since it’ll be a full day, we try to get out as quickly as possible.
In my old life, it was brush teeth, shave, wet hair down, then style, look at self in mirror and say, “Wow, you do look like Johnny Depp?” then I’d turn on the lights, and head out. 5 mins top. 10 if I had a shower. Now…
Now you’ll hear me saying things, like “Teeth brushing, not toothbrush eating. Hurry up”
“Of course you have to wear underwear.” (And no, I never say this to the Prettiest-girl-in-the-world.)
“Wait, how did you get pizza sauce on a shirt we just bought yesterday?”
“Come on, let’s hurry, let’s get it in gear, let’s get going, vroom, vroom, vroom, we gotta a full day, hurry, hurry, hurry, fast, fast, fast, move it, move it, move it, ah, cutie.”
It’s a process, let me tell you. Armies move faster than 2 boys getting ready. Glaciers move faster.
But, by 9, we are good to go. Time for breakfast and Seaworld.
Now, in my old life, breakfast would be all….